Chapter Seventeen

Jake flinched a little as he walked in at the contrast between the brightness of the midday sun outside and the dimly lit interior of the foyer. He paused for a moment to let his eyes adjust. He was alone in the entryway, for a moment anyway, and he took time to take stock of his surroundings. On most days Jake would not have paid any attention to the detail of the funeral home. A building was a building was a building and he did not have time to fuss over details. But today was different for some reason. No, correction he thought. Not just any reason. He was stalling and he knew it.

The architectural detail in the hallway was at once familiar and comforting to Jake. The high vaulted ceilings. The long narrow hallways. The dark wood panelled wainscotting and dark patterned wall paper on the walls. A wood trimmed enclosed stairway leading to the second floor behind a door in the foyer. Substantial furniture with richly upholstered seats. Simulated candle sconces on the wall providing dim light. Old portraits of a family, the Pressmans he guessed, in ornate frames lining the hallways.

It was all very familiar to Jake and it brought back a pleasant memory of the funeral home that his family had lived next to in one of the houses that he lived in while growing up. He had been inside the building, mostly at night playing cards upstairs with his friend Greg. Sometimes they explored the parlor areas downstairs, and if they got really brave – the embalming room a the back of the house. For young Jake, the funeral home was a forboding, mysterious, and sometimes scary place that he eventually learned to accept and enjoy. For his friend Greg, it was just home. Jake looked around at the familiar décor of the Pressman’s Funeral Home and wondered, strangely, if there was a card game going on upstairs.

From the signboard in the foyer Jake determined that there was only one funeral taking place in the home today. An unmanned stand held a guest book and Jake took up the pen and signed in. Sam’s name was already there. An signboard held a placard which pointed down the hallway with an arrow and read, in ornate calligraphy, “Funeral for Mr. Robert L. Ford”. Translation, Uncle Bob.

Jake had one task left to attend to before greeting the family and headed off to find a restroom. It was the diabetes talking to him again and he wanted to not have to worry about that during the ceremony. More signs, small and discreet, pointed the way down a side hall to the restrooms. Jake finished there and then took a few minutes washing up to make himself more presentable. He was feeling a little crumpled from having worn his suit in the car on the trip down. He washed his hands and his face. He straightened his tie and tried his best to smooth out the wrinkles in his suit. He found some mints in a bowl on the counter and unwrapped one and popped it into his mouth to freshen his breath. He folded some toilet paper and gave his wingtip shoes a quick buff shine. It was a calming ritual and it was having the desired effect. So, it was time for a pep talk. Jake looked at himself in the mirror and spoke softly to himself.

“Jake, old buddy. You can do this. This not a test you have to pass. This is your family. They need to have you here today. It’s good for you to be here today. So, be here today. Linda was right – you need to tune in. And the most important thing you have to remember is this: Today is not about you. Have you got that? It’s not about you. Listen more than you talk. Nobody needs to hear your stories. Do yourself a favor, and listen to theirs. And remember Uncle Bob. Today is his day and he deserves it.”

All of that was easy to say. It was common sense, really. But for Jake it was that kind of thing that was hard to remember in the moment.

Jake left the restroom and headed down the hallway to the visitation room where Uncle Bob’s ceremony would be held. It was two rooms, actually. A small anteroom for visitors to enter and greet each other adjoined to a larger room for the actual gathering. A quick visual take on the room told him that there were about 50 or so family members in attendance today. A respectable showing for Uncle Bob, thank goodness. Jake could see through to the other room where rows of chairs were set up and could see family lined up to pass by the open coffin to pay their last respects. Sam was in line to view the body and was bending over slightly and listening raptly to a story from one of Uncle Bob’s elderly relatives, probably an aunt. Jake registered the true compassionate concern on Sam’s face as he ministered in his own way to this distant relative as he did with his own charges back at his church. It was a gift of Sam’s and Jake always marvelled at it when he saw it and simultaneously wondered why he himself lacked it. Why he was, in effect, emotionally cold and distant when it came to connecting with people on a personal level as Sam did. Strangely, he wasn’t jealous of Sam so much as he was proud of him. Jake was not in a hurry to get over to the casket. He would get there and view the body, but for now he paused to look around the anteroom searching for a familiar face. He found it in Uncle Richard.

Jake had assumed that Richard would be there and was comforted to see that he, in fact, was there. Uncle Richard wasn’t really Jake’s uncle by blood. More like an uncle-in-law who was married to one of Lucille’s, and Uncle Bob’s, sisters. But Jake had always known him as an uncle, and a favorite one at that. He had always been a serious and imposing man to Jake. But he was serious in a positive way and had always shown an interest in his nieces and nephews. Richard was a church-going God-fearing man. A Sunday School teacher all of his life. It was important to him that the children in the family, the whole family, grew up with a knowledge of God. He would talk with Jake at family gatherings in the serious, unrelenting, way of a Sunday School teacher about where he stood with God. Jake could always count on that, and today was no exception for which Jake was grateful. He wasn’t as confident with his answers to Richard’s questions as he once was, but it was reassuring to have the talk. To deflect the questions somewhat, Jake began to practice what he had preached to himself in the pep talk. He asked Richard about Richard. How had he been since his wife passed on? Was he keeping busy in his retirement? Which church was he attending now and was he still teaching Sunday School? As Jake asked the questions, he found himself honestly caring what the answers were. He made a mental note to thank Linda for asking him to tune in.

Unconsciously, Jake soon expanded his small circle to include Uncle Richard’s family that he had with him there today. Kids and spouses and grandkids in abundance, and most of them were from Boone Hollow or it’s surroundings. All had done well, it seemed, in their jobs and in their growing families. Faces were familiar to Jake. Even details here and there. But it was unfamiliar enough to be disconcerting. As Jake was talking with cousin Mary about her retirement from her nursing career, he had an internal monologue going in his head. “It’s strange”, he thought to himself. “These people are my family. My kin. Blood relatives, biologically closer to me than almost everyone on the planet. My mother knew unfathomable level of detail about everyone of their lives. Birthdays especially, but also weddings and graduations and milestones in their kids lives. And Sam seems to know this stuff too. But not me. How can I be so cluesless about my cousin Mary, here, or even Bobby and Diana? And how come I can only remember spending three or four days maximum with any of them in my whole life? How did I miss out on so much?”

As Jake was talking to Mary and musing to himself, he felt an arm go around his shoulder. It was Bobby, his cousin, stopping by to greet him. Jake had to step back for a minute to catch up to what he was seeing. His memory of Bobby was frozen in time as kids back on the camping trip, and he had a moment of hesitation matching this fine young man standing before him with that childish image. But only for a moment, and he hugged Bobby and greeted him warmly. They stepped off to the side of the anteroom by themselves to share just a moment together.

“Thank you for coming, Jake” Bobby said appreciatively. “It means a lot to Diana and me that you made the trip down for this. Really, we didn’t expect it.”

“I wouldn’t miss it, Bobby” Jake said instinctively. He said it as glibly as he would have said it at any business meeting to a total stranger. But this time, it felt different and he surprised even himself as he realized that he really meant it. He wouldn’t miss this.

“Well, we appreciate it Jake. And Dad would have appreciated it.”

“Thank you, Bobby. You know that I cared a lot for your Dad.”

“Thank you for saying that. Dad was pretty special.”

“He was, Bobby. He was. I didn’t know him as closely as I wish that I did, but I did know that much. Did you get to spend much time with him in the last year?”

“Fortunately, yes I did. Dad was pretty sick for the last few months. Sicker than most people knew. But his spirits were pretty high and he had enough courage for both of us. I did get to take some time off from work and be with him. I’m grateful for that.”

“It’s good that you did. You won’t regret that.”

“No, I certainly won’t”, Bobby agreed. A thought seemed to come to Bobby and a look of relief and hope crossed his face. He reached out and took Jake’s hand in both of his.

“Jake, can I impose on you for a favor?”, Bobby asked.

“Anything, Bobby. Just name it and I’ll do it if I can.”

“Jake, I’d be honored if you would be a pall bearer for Dad today.”

Jake was stunned. Of all the things that he worried might occur today, this one had not even crossed his mind. He was stunned, but he wasn’t necessarily surprised. Jake was often asked on the spur of the moment to step up into leadership positions or to take on a lead role on tasks. Something about his professional experiences and demeanor inspired confidence in people. He was used to it and was always honored to be asked, even though it was more about selfish pride to be in the spotlight than it was about honor. Briefly, he was taken aback. With all of the family members here, including a sizeable number, of able bodied men who were undoubtedly closer to Uncle Bob than Jake was, why would he be asked? But that was only a fleeting thought. A quick moment of self doubt. Of course, Jake thought, he could do it. Uncle Bob was a frail man, debiliatated in his last months by sickness, and it would not be a demanding physical task. Of course, he would do it – for Bobby.

In the moment it took for Jake to flash through these thoughts, he glanced over Bobby’s shoulder into the other room. Sam was finally through the line and was standing by Uncle Bob’s casket looking in. There was genuine affection on his face as he said his goodbyes. And he was joined by Diana, who was in the throes of grief knowing that the time had come. Sam hugged her. Comforted her. Listened to her. Time suspended as Jake took in that scene, with his answer to Bobby hanging on his lips. And in an instant he knew what the right thing to do was.

“Bobby, I’m deeply honored that you have asked me that”, Jake said looking him squarely in the eye and returning the hand grip. “And I would be pleased to accept. But…” and he stopped.”

“Jake?”

“Here's the thing. My brother Sam had a very deep connection with your Dad. A special bond. I would appreciate it, Bobby, if you would offer that honor to Sam instead of me. It would be very appropriate and meaningful. If you need more than one pallbearer I would be glad to say yes as well. But if you only need one, would you ask Sam?”

Bobby’s face lit up. “Sam’s here, too?”

“Yes, he’s in the other room with your sister right now.”

Bobby squeezed Jake’s hand. “Thank you, Jake. I'll go ask him.” And Bobby hurried off.

Jake paused, suddenly alone again in the anteroom. He was speechless. That had happened so fast and his mind raced back over the conversation. Had he done the right thing? Would he even know what the right thing was? As startling as it all was, it felt like the right thing.

Everyone was moving toward their chairs for the service to begin, and Jake left the anteroom to go quickly by the casket. Diana greeted him warmly and led him to Uncle Bob’s side. Jake didn’t see the Uncle Bob that he remembered in the still figure before him, but it was all right. In the end, he saw, Bob had triumphed over the illness that ravaged him. He offered the first thing he thought as a word of encouragement to Diana. “He looks very dignified, Diana.” Diana smiled and gave him a hearfelt hug.

“Would everyone please find a seat”, the pastor said, “and we’ll begin the service.”

Jake escorted Diana to her seat in the front row and then moved to find a seat for himself. He glanced quickly around to find Sam, but had lost sight of him in the last minute or so. Jake wanted to be unobtrusive and to blend in and he slipped off to find a seat in the back row. He instinctively saved a seat for Sam, but it was still empty.

As the organist began playing a vaguely familiar hymn, Jake finally caught sight of Sam. He was sitting off to the side, in a row with five other men, a crisp red rose newly fastened in his lapel.